Petherick, James

Why I am a Humanist Celebrant.

I joined the Humanist Society after a particularly disappointing funeral I attended for a loved relative whose fun loving life was completely missed by the minister, who wailed to god for his allocated twenty minutes. I have always been an atheist and felt that I should do something more positive to represent the beliefs of the majority of Scots who have no religious following.
I trained as a Celebrant in 2001 and have since conducted about 1000 ceremonies.
I am a father and grandfather and live on a small farm in the beautiful Kinross-shire countryside and I operate in Perth, Kinross-shire, Fife and the Central Region. During this year (2008-2009) I am also the National Convenor of the Society and am excited by the many strides forward our organisation is making in so many areas of Scottish Society.

I feel that being with families during their time of grief has given me the opportunity to bring some small comfort to them. A Humanist ceremony turns that grief to a celebration of the life which has come to an end. I would always remember with the family that deep grief only comes from deep love and to have shared such love during that short time we call life is cause indeed for joy and celebration.

I have had to conduct many desperately sad funerals for those who died well before their time and I might also share the sadness, and yes I have often shed a tear, but I always emerge with the over-riding feeling of just how astonishingly resilient my fellow man and women are.

During ceremonies I have shared many verses and songs with families but I think my favourite verse would be from the wonderful Christina Rossetti

Remember me when I’m gone away
Gone far away into the silent land,
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned,
Only remember me, you understand
It will be late to council then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while,
And afterwards remember, do not grieve.
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than you should remember and be sad.

Musically, the world really is your oyster!
I have had at ceremonies everything from good old blue eyes, doing it his way, right through to Gerry Lee Lewis and his great balls of fire! Quite a showstopper at the crematorium.

If it should happen to you, and remember we are members of the world’s largest family, the family of the bereaved, let it take it’s course.
Allow the sadness and the joy of memory to swing you back and forth and soon the smiles of that lost loved one will be your constant remembrance.

I love namings, because I love babies, I’m a big fat granddad who looks a bit like Santa Clause and who loves the joy of a new arrival.
Being with a family at this time is a huge privilege and to share their happiness is very infectious and I make no apology for having a thoroughly good time!

I especially like the words of
Dorothy Law Nolte.

If a child lives with tolerance
She learns to be patient

If a child lives with encouragement
She learns confidence,

If a child lives with praise
She learns to appreciate,

If a child lives with fairness
She learns judgement

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship
She learns to give love to the world.

I want to say right away that I am disappointed that people who are gay or lesbian did not get full legal status when the Scottish Government had the opportunity to exercise it’s authority and make the word equality absolute!

Nevertheless it is the privilege of Humanist Celebrants to help them celebrate the love they have found, and I delight in the fact that people have found love together and want to make commitments to each other.

The ceremony will reflect how those involved wish to declare that love and for my part I delight with them and always enjoy the party!

My favourite love poem

Once in a lifetime you find someone
Who touches not only your heart, but also your soul.
Once in a lifetime you discover someone who
 Stands beside you, not over you.
You find someone who loves you for
who you are,
And not for who you could be.
Once in a lifetime you find someone
As we have found each other.

Must rush off now for a Kleenex!!!

For many years we conducted weddings so imagine our joy when the Registrar general made us legal!!!

Weddings are always a joy and I like to reflect that in the ceremony, it’s not a dirge of process that we often see, it’s a joyous and happy occasion and at the ceremonies I conduct there is laughter and sometimes a tear of happiness, but the over-riding emotion on your special day is to celebrate the love you have found with each other.
It’s also a chance to acknowledge the love of the wider family and special friends who have been there for you.

My favourite verse

Once in a lifetime you find someone
Who touches not only your heart, but also your soul.
Once in a lifetime you discover someone who
 Stands beside you, not over you.
You find someone who loves you for
who you are,
And not for who you could be.
Once in a lifetime you find someone
As we have found each other.

And the great thing about Humanist ceremonies is that you can choose your own form of words, decide who will play a major part, who might recite a verse or give a reading.

It is personal and unique to you as a couple and hopefully will be remembered vividly by you both for the rest of your lives together.