Caldow, George

I am originally from Perth but have lived in Mosstodloch since 1982.  I have been married to Elizabeth  since 1972 and have two children.  I recently retired as a Police Officer having spent almost 30 years working in Moray.  During those years, my favourite time  were the five years I spent as a School Liaison Officer working with children, parents and teachers, from nursery to sixth year secondary school.  Technically this was called Citizenship Education but it really dealt with the everyday decision making skills of the child and their factual knowledge for the dangers ahead in the choices they may be asked to make.  The main focus was on drugs, bullying and their personal safety.

What humanism means to me

Like many, I came to realise I was a humanist, through my experiences of life.  I do not believe in the existence of any god but I do believe we are all responsible for our actions and should treat everyone with courtesy, respect and tolerance. Very much the do unto others what you would wish done to you philosophy.  The moral and ethical values of the Humanist movement fit into my own philosophy.

It is a privilege to be asked to speak to and on behalf of families at what is a very stressful time.

My only desire is to produce a ceremony which the families feel accurately reflects the life and character of the deceased.  The family set the tone for the funeral with their recollections and stories about the deceased. The ceremony is a celebration of the deceased’s life and as such, there is normally laughter and some tears but hopefully those present can leave feeling that the deceased was accurately remembered and that had they been present would have enjoyed the tribute.

What I find most rewarding about conducting funerals

On my initial visit, families tend to be concerned that the contents of the ceremony will be dictated to them but once I have reassured them that it is the deceased’s life we are to celebrate they are happier.  When I take the history and stories of the deceased’s life from the family, there can be laughter as well as tears. This can be a very positive experience for the family and prepare them for the funeral.  After the funeral, the expressions from many there, that it has been a positive experience, that they recognised the deceased makes all the work involved in preparing the ceremony worthwhile.

My advice to you

Do not be afraid to ask for what you want. The legacy of “Christian” upbringings, is that many feel that humour and funny stories about the deceased are not the done thing and that laughing at reminisces, speaking about the deceased in conversations are wrong as after all they are dead.

Love does not die with death, it just changes.

My favourite piece of funeral poetry

What I look for is poetry which accurately sums up the deceased or a facet of their life.  If I can find that them I am happy.  If I was forced to choose a poem for my own funeral it would be “Courage” by an unknown author, as the words echo what I feel.

COURAGE

You can shed tears that he is gone

 or you can smile because he has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that he’ll come back

Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.

Your heart can be empty because you cannot see him

Or it can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday

Or you can be happy for tomorrow, because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he has gone

Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back

Or you can do what he would want: open your eyes, laugh, love and press on.

My favourite piece of funeral music

The music should be representative of the deceased.  My own choice for my own funeral keeps changing.

It is a very positive step for any family to welcome a child into it and can be a lot of fun.  Family and friends are there to say we love you to the parents and child and the atmosphere is fantastic.

The family decide what they want with some advice from me.  It is all about the family and the child. The ceremony should be about their feelings for the child and include stories and poetry which reflect the characteristics of the child.

The initial visit to the family, when they realise that they can design a ceremony to how they want to celebrate their child with their family.  The options available to them are only constrained by their imagination.

When working through all the ceremony, remember that it will be remembered in years to come.  Make it fun but not embarrassing, meaningful and truthful (vows and pledges)

Handprints

Sometimes I might upset you

Because I am so small

And always leave my fingerprints

On furniture and walls 

But every day I grow a bit

And soon I'll be so tall

That all those little fingerprints

Shall be so hard to recall

So here's a special handprint

Just so that you can say

This is how my fingers looked

When I placed them here today

Jungle Book – Bear Necessities of Life

I have not been approached for one, having just qualified as a Celebrant but like everything else, if the couple show commitment to each other and have humanist principles, I look forward to officiating. My only regret is that at the moment I am unable to “marry” them as per a civil partnership. I hope that will change.

The most important aspect is “what do the couple want”. Some may want a traditional wedding style, others more relaxed. My function is to facilitate the couples’ wishes as best as possible.  The ceremony is open to them to design.  I will give them materials on which they can base their ceremony. I want them to be able to look back in the years to come and say that their “wedding day” was everything they could have hoped for.

I would imagine that the ceremony will bring the same warmth and joy that a wedding brings but I have not conduct one so far so I will just imagine

Remember you are still two individuals but together you are stronger. Each individual has to have the space to grow with the support of the other and in doing so, the bonds that hold you together are greater.

My favourite piece of poetry for affirmation ceremonies 

My favourite piece of music for affirmation ceremonies

It is a great honour and privilege to be asked to be involved in a very special day. Weddings can be fun but  I do stress about the “legal” part as some couples think that flowers are more important that getting that all important “marriage schedule.  No marriage schedule means no legal wedding.

The most important aspect is “what do the couple want”. Some want a traditional wedding, others more relaxed. My function is to facilitate the couples’ wishes as best as possible. Apart from the three lines legally required, the rest is open to them to design.  I will give them materials on which they can base their ceremony. I want them to be able to look back in the years to come and say that their wedding day was everything they could have hoped for.

I love the atmosphere of warmth and joy a wedding generates.  You seldom see so many smiling faces in one place.  Everyone is there to wish the couple well.

Remember, courtship doesn’t end with marriage.

Any poetry should be reflective of the couple and their feelings for themselves and their families.  In one wedding, there was a beautiful poem written by the bride’s sister which made it so special when read by her.

I’m tempted to say the one when the “married” couple are walking back down the aisle, meaning it’s all over.  The music should reflect the couple and avoid any ones linked to religious ceremonies.