Maguire, Tim

My approach to Funerals
Conducting a funeral is the most demanding part of our work, but it’s also the most rewarding. It is both a privilege and a serious responsibility to celebrate a person's life and I am always moved when someone comes up to me afterwards and says, “You got him (or her) just right – that’s what they would have wanted.”

What I find most rewarding about conducting funerals
Is knowing I am helping a family begin to come to terms with their loss, by expressing their feelings at a difficult time. Because we focus on ‘the life lived’, with all its joys, triumphs and disappointments, I know that everyone can relate to our ceremonies, whatever they believe. And because we celebrate that life, I love to see people laughing at a happy memory and realising that it’s OK to do that in a humanist funeral.

My advice to you
Above all, go easy on yourself. You may find it a solace to write down your thoughts about your loved one before meeting me, but you really don’t need to. It can also be a help if family members and friends can be there when we meet, as their memories and stories can make the tribute more rounded and complete.

My favourite piece of funeral poetry
We’ve got a great collection of poetry and prose to which we add all the time and I always try to find something that relates strongly to the character and interests of the person at the heart of the ceremony. It also has some profound thoughts on the nature of life and death, including this passage from Richard Dawkins’s book, The Blind Watchmaker.
 
We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born. The potential people who could have been here in my place but who will in fact never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of Arabia. Certainly those unborn ghosts include greater poets than Keats, scientists greater than Newton. We know this because the set of possible people allowed by our DNA so massively exceeds the set of actual people. In the teeth of these stupefying odds it is you and I, in our ordinariness, that are here. To live is miracle enough.


My favourite piece of funeral music
Is whatever you want, whenever you want it: there’s no wrong choice as far as I’m concerned. In a typical ceremony, there are three opportunities to play music; when we come in; during ‘the contemplation’ (when we sit and think about the person who has died) and when we leave at the end. Each has a different mood. You can always bring your favourite CDs, but remember that live music can be wonderful. If the funeral is at a crematorium, remember that there will always be an organist available who’d be surprised and delighted to be asked to play a chorale by Bach, Buxtehude or Pachelbel.

At the beginning of a recent ceremony, I heard a piper play ‘The Flowers of the Forest’ for his granny, which was very moving and the same family chose an excerpt from ‘The Lark Ascending’ by Vaughan Williams which was perfect for the contemplation, although ‘That’s Life’, by Frank Sinatra goes down a treat at this point too.

It’s always a good idea to find something uplifting for the end and recently I’ve enjoyed ‘Freebird’ by Lynyrd Skynyrd, ‘Wonderful World’ by Louis Armstrong and ‘When I’m Dead and Gone’ by McGuinness Flint. I’m still waiting for someone to choose “Highway to Hell”!

What people have said about my ceremonies

Thank you for such a fine service: everyone I spoke to commented just how moving it was, and I also passed on the HSS website address to two persons who wanted to know more. Everything went perfectly, and your very thorough preparation showed. So thank you again for doing such an excellent job.

I would like to take this opportunity to personally thank you. I was able to deal with my own feelings of loss by thinking of and remembering my friend in a positive way whilst relaying my memories and stories to others including yourself.

My approach to Namings
Although I've only done half a dozen since I became a celebrant, I'm delighted to find that they're becoming more popular, as they’re great fun and can be very inspiring: I'm sure that as demand for our weddings continues to increase, our naming ceremonies will do the same.

What I like best is hearing why the parents have chosen a particular person as a guide-parent; it makes it really clear how much they value that person and want them to be an important part of their child’s future life.

Love is love. I will treat any affirmation or commitment ceremony in exactly the same way as I approach weddings; it's your special day, and it's my privilege to help you celebrate it. 

I've just conducted my first same-sex affirmation (July 08) on the lovely island of Inchcolm in the Firth of Forth, and it was a wonderful, loving and very moving ceremony, which I've written about on my blog. It's my intention to ensure that one day our same-sex ceremonies will be legal in Scotland under human rights legislation, just as our weddings are.

My approach to Weddings
Juliet and I were married by the legendary Ivan Middleton, who encouraged us not only to think about what we wanted him to say on our behalf, but also to write the ceremony ourselves using our own words. I prefer to take this approach too, although I offer lots of advice, and provide examples from the many different, very personalised ceremonies I have performed. Every time I conduct a ceremony for a couple, it reminds me of the promises I have made in my own marriage and of the love and happiness that I now enjoy.

What I love most about conducting weddings
I love the part in the ceremony where I tell the family and guests that the ceremony was written by the couple in front of me, and invite them to listen to their voices through mine. I also enjoy conducting weddings in other languages and have delivered ceremonies partly in English and partly in French, Spanish, Basque and Italian, which has been a help for those guests who might otherwise have missed much of what was being said.

My advice to you
When we meet, I’ll give you lots, most of it - I hope - useful. The most important thing is; enjoy the day! It will rush by only too quickly. I've just begun a blog where if you're interested, you can read a few more of my thoughts on ceremonies and if you've got a moment, check out the blog that inspired me to do this in the first place: it's great!

My favourite piece of wedding poetry
There’s lots of great wedding poetry in our collection, much of it passionate, heartfelt and romantic, but I rather like this one by Ogden Nash

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.

I try to remember this at all times…

We keep adding new things to our collection all the time. This year, I was introduced to a prose poem called "The Invitation" that Rachel & Ash chose to read at their wedding ceremony. It's by Oriah, Mountain Dreamer, who is not, as I had thought, some long-deceased Native American medicine man, but a living breathing Canadian mother of two and best-selling author. As it's in copyright, I can't put it here but you can read it on her web site.

My favourite piece of wedding music
I conducted a ceremony on a farm in 2006 for a lovely couple who wrote a beautiful ceremony, which was very moving. But what made it even better was the song composed and performed by the groom’s sister and brother in law on electric guitar and double bass, which had everyone in tears, (me included).

My most unusual location for a wedding to date
I have yet to be asked to do a biker wedding or one on the top of a Munro, but I hope they’ll come along some day. I'm currently looking forward to travelling to the Isle of Eigg to conduct a wedding in the summer of 2009, which I think will be a blast but whether it’s in a castle or your back garden, it’s a privilege and a pleasure as far as I’m concerned.

Thanks for reading this far: Juliet & I will be on holiday from October 19th until November 3rd, 2008 so if you're getting in touch between those dates, please be patient! We will get back to you on our return.