Joshi, Catherine

I came to celebrancy in my retirement, after pretty well a lifetime of agnosticism/ atheism.My working life went from work in a university research lab, through TEFL in Brussels, full-time motherhood - on through a mature degree, to FE lecturer and High School English teacher, and included a year in Tasmania. I have been on the Forth Valley Committee for Spiritual Care for the past two or three years, and have been given ID as an Honorary Chaplain. 

In  retirement I have been active in Amnesty Imternational, Stirling Literary Society, Le Cercle Français . .  and a doting grandmother of seven. I have always been an enthusiastic world traveller. Seeing Nepal and the sun rise over Mount Everest from a hot air balloon has been just one of many fulfilling moments.

Humanisn to me is an ethical life-stance that asserts we can lead good lives without religion or superstition. It is the acceptance that we each have only one life, and that makes it very precious indeed. Life is not a dress rehearsal and Humanism provides a positive and fulfilling stance for making our one and only life as worthwhile as possible for ourselves and others. Above all Humanism is about being human.         

My approach to funerals

I always say that , ironic as it may seem, a family visit is an opportunity for me to get to know the deceased. When I deliver a funeral tribute, I feel it is of supreme importance that everyone present recognises as thoroughly as possible the person I am talking about. For this, I must first establish rapport with the family, so that they know that my aim and intention is to provide a ceremony with which they will be comfortable, and which will truly reflect and celebrate the life of their loved one. Focusing on memories is an important, and healing, part of this process, and I always encourage families to be as upfront with me as possible, while at the same time assuring them of confidentiality. I always offer a preview of the tribute I have  prepared for them so that they can suggest any alterations or additions they wish. I am always conscious that, as with life itself, there is only one chance to get it right.

What I find most rewarding of all all is to be told that I sounded as if I really had known the person I have been talking about. And to raise smiles and laughter as I deliver the tribute, knowing that I have helped those present to come to terms with their loss.

My advice to you is to open your mind to how much solace you will find in happy memories. Remember the love and the sadness, the laughs and the calamities, and share them with your celebrant. He or she will weave them into something to make you proud. And feel confident that you can ask your celebrant for advice about anything which is on your mind, In addition, if you wish to have contributions, this can be arranged, but you must let your celebrant have contact with the contributor from a very  early stage, as time is always of the essence. A double crem slot is possible, but expensive.

My favourite piece of funeral poetry is whatever happens to be just right for you at the time, and so it is always different. I always have a collection  with me to help with suggestions. That said, I do have a great love of Pablo Neruda's How long does a man live? of which the following is just a fragment:

. . .the days will pass with baffled faces,
then the weeks, then the months,
then there will be a day when no question is asked,
and the knots will loosen in the stomach,
and the puffed faces will calm,
And on that day, he will not have ceased,
but will have ceased to be separated by death

Regarding music,  what matters to me is, again,  your favourite, and I find that most people have their own ideas. I see my role as one of helping to guide you as to which piece is appropriate at which point - the most subdued/ sombre at the start, the one you associate most with your loved one for the pause we always have, and the most rousing/ uplifting one at the end. Louis Armstrong has often proved popular for this last with It's a Wondeful World. For my own funeral (not imminent!) I want , for very personal reasons, to have one of  Bach's cello suites for the pause. 

Namings/ Welcomings are always a delight. If possible, I arrange to meet the parents beforehand, preferably at the proposed venue. This gives me the chance to assess the seating (or standing) arrangements, to ask e.g. if I can have a table placed conveniently, maybe another for the symbolic candle that is usualy lit in the course of the ceremony, and for a certificate to be signed. We might want one for a CD player, or a cake, or for making handprints, or some other activity for the children present.

What I love most about namimgs is, of course, cuddlingthe baby. (I've always had babies, but would be happy with an older child.)

My advice to you is to find a role for siblings and grandparents as well as parents, and, of course the guide parents. It can be as simple as lighting the candle, or cutting, or being given credit for baking, a cake. Or a child bringing forward a little gift.

My favourite piece of poetry is

  . . Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

I have never had the privilege of being asked to do this, but I would certainly regard it as a privilege, and would treat it preciselyas I would any affirmation/ re-affirmation.

To find out about those, see 'Weddings'

I do not 'do' legal weddings. I do 'do' (re-)affirmations, although I prefer not to take bookings more than six to eight months ahead.

My experience includes numerous reaffirmations in the form of wedding ceremonies for couples who had already completed the legalities elsewhere: e.g. (prior to HSS authorisation) in front of a registrar; in another country; in the culture/ religion of one of the partners, or who, having had a very quiet wedding years ago, wanted the opportunity to make their very own personal vows of commitment in a beautiful ceremony in front of family and friends.

One couple had been together for thirteen years, legally married for eight; and had two children who had a part to play in the ceremony. Their friends also participated as instrumentalists, singers, and poetry readers, and a wonderful time was had by all.

What I love most about such ceremonies is partaking of the joy of two people obviously in love, and providing a ceremony which is just right for them. I have also enjoyed my communications with e-mail-order brides - ie organising via e-mail with couples in another country, and planning to come to Scotland for a second ceremony.

My advice to you is in the form of my favourite piece of wedding poetry, by Ogden Nash.

To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup
Whenever you're wrong, admit it.
Whenever you're right
SHUT UP!

My favourite piece of wedding music is whatever is right for you.

 I enjoy the Prince of Denmark's March.

My most unusual location?

The Loch Rannoch Hotel was quite an exciting place to go, but not, on the face of it, that unusual. However, the groom, and therefore many guests, were Japanese, and that made for a slightly surreal and exotic combination of kilts and kimonos on the shores of Loch Rannoch. And they did lose the rings, and even lost one of the two borrowed ones! (They were all found again!)