Hamilton, Penelope

Being a Celebrant

When you've found a role in life that you love, you feel that everything else you've experienced has been a preparation for this. That's how I feel about being a celebrant. I enjoy helping people create a special ceremony to mark an important, emotional moment in their lives. 

My beliefs

I can't remember a time when I believed in a deity, and it was a relief to discover Humanism. People can lead good and worthwhile lives without religion, guided by reason and compassion, and there's profound meaning in life whether you have religious faith or not. We should try to be kind to one another, and be open-minded, and look after our precious and beautiful world, and all the creatures in it, as best we can. There's pain and grief in life, as well as happiness and laughter. I've had my share of them all, and I hope this makes me easy to be with, and a reassuring, calm presence. 

How I feel about being a funeral celebrant

A funeral touches my heart more deeply than any other ceremony, I always feel moved, as well as honoured and privileged, to be with a family during the first shock of bereavement, and to help them by conducting a ceremony in which they can both mourn the loss and celebrate the life of the person who has died.

 My approach to funerals

I can’t take away the pain of grief, but I can ease that pain a little by listening to what the family tells me about the person who has died and creating a ceremony in which their character and life is recognisable to those that knew them.

What I find most rewarding about conducting funerals

It's rewarding finding the words that best describe a person's character, and choosing readings that suit them and their family. When people tell me afterwards that the ceremony has captured their character, I feel fulfilled.

My favourite reading for a funeral

Currently, my favourite piece of prose is by A C Grayling:

It remains true that we never quite get over the sorrow caused by losing those most loved; we only learn to live with it, and to live despite it, which – and there is no paradox here – makes living a richer thing. That is sorrow’s gift, though we never covet it.

Grief isn't an illness from which you recover, but people talk about ‘getting over’ a death, as if this is what you should aim for! Here's an image that makes sense to me:

It’s as if you’ve got a big rock inside you; every time you move, the sharp edges of the rock cut into you with sudden, agonising thrusts of pain; in time, the rough edges of the rock are worn away, and the jabs from the rock hurt you less and less, until at last the surface of the rock is smooth; but you’ll always carry the rock inside you. Its presence reminds you of your loss, but it also comforts you, because you never forget.

But the best readings for a funeral are the ones that feel right for the personality of the deceased, the circumstances of their death, and the feelings of the bereaved family and friends.

My favourite music for a funeral

One of my friends chose Hayley Westenra’s Pokarekare Ana  for the beginning of his funeral ceremony, and it became my favourite the moment I heard it.

Family and friends usually know the music that will be right for the funeral. Although I’m happy to discuss the possibilities with them, I rarely need to give advice – except to say it’s best to choose uplifting music for the end of the ceremony. 

How I feel about being a Naming celebrant

I love conducting a Naming, the special occasion at which a child is welcomed. It’s a joy as well as an honour to be part of a unique Ceremony celebrating a precious new arrival in the family.

Bringing up a child is one of the most important jobs anyone can undertake – it’s good to acknowledge this and celebrate it in a public ceremony.

My approach to Namings

I encourage parents to get as involved as possible in planning the ceremony, so we discuss their ideas and my suggestions before deciding what to include. I like to be well prepared and, on the day itself, I see my role as being calm and professional, as well as warm and friendly, so the parents can relax and enjoy their child’s Big Day.

What I love most about conducting Namings

I love the mix of humour and solemnity at a Naming, and the atmosphere of optimism and goodwill. I like the feeling of formally welcoming a child into their family, community and wider society, and to reflect that the wonder we feel at the birth of a child is felt by other people, very different from ourselves, in every part of our planet.

My advice to you

As well as thinking carefully about the promises you want to make to your child, make sure you’re happy with what the guide-parents are going to say.

Delegate some of the preparations to people you trust, whose help you’ll appreciate – it makes life less stressful, and family and friends will love being given responsibility for something.

Babies and young children are unpredictable. Whatever happens, it’ll all be part of the fun – so, relax and enjoy the ceremony!

My favourite reading for a Naming

Ann MacDowell wrote the following:

The love for your child is like no other, it hits you the instant you see him/her. Without warning you are enveloped in emotion, deeper and keener than anything you have ever experienced. And you know that forever and always you will feel every hurt and every disappointment – but you will also know every joy and every success.

My favourite music for a Naming

For the ceremony, it’s good to have a song that everyone knows and can sing along to, adults and children alike. E.g. ‘Nellie the Elephant’, ‘If You’re Happy and You Know It’, ‘Bare Necessities’

For beforehand, or afterwards, a playlist of familiar nursery rhymes and well-known songs is ideal.

My real favourite? ‘It’s a Wonderful World’ by Louis Armstrong. (I love his voice - but the Ramones version is easier to sing along to!)

The pipes are always my favourite, but they're not to everyone's taste.  Sorry if this is a cop-out - but the best music for your ceremony is - what the two of you love the best! 

How I feel about being a wedding celebrant

I love every moment of my job, from my first chat with you, the bride and groom, right through to the end of the ceremony - and then I enjoy it all over again, remembering it as I drive home.

My approach to weddings

Warm, calm and professional - that's what I try to be.

What I love most about conducting weddings

It's an honour and a delight: being with two people in love, on their Big Day; guiding the Bridal Party and guests through the ceremony; the emotions of the moment - joy and commitment, humour and solemnity, laughter and tears.

My advice to you

Organising your wedding is much more work, and much more time consuming, than you'd anticipated..... be kind and patient with one other, and remember why you're getting married - you're in love and you want to stay together for the rest of your lives!

My favourite poem for a wedding

Finally, I have found a place into which I fit
perfectly, safely and securely,
with no doubts, no fears, no sadness, no tears.
This place is filled with happiness and laughter,
yet it is spacious enough to allow me to move around,
to live life and to be myself.
This wonderful place, which I never believed really existed,
I have found, finally - in your arms, in your heart, in your love.

But there are so many wonderful readings to choose from - and I usually like best the ones that you've chosen, that suit your personalities and the ceremony we've created.

My favourite music for a wedding

Well, there's nothing to beat a Piper for your entrance and exit, in my opinion, but if the bagpipes aren't to your taste, how about 'your song' (everybody has one!)?

My favourite location to date

A beach, a hill, a garden, a hotel, a Castle - how can I choose only one of them as my favourite location?!

But I suppose nothing compares with wondering if I'll need waterproofs and wellies for a beach wedding on the West Coast, walking through the drizzle with the bride and groom to the chosen spot, then seeing their faces as the sun breaks through the cloud to make the seascape of water and islands into a breathtakingly beautiful backdrop for the wedding ceremony. Magic!

Read more on my blog http://blog.penelopes-weddings.co.uk/