Anderson, Neil

How I feel about being a funeral celebrant

Conducting funerals is a real privilege and a huge responsibility. It is such a rewarding thing to be able to do and, paradoxically, it is life affirming. Every time I am asked to help a family through what is often a really difficult time I feel honoured to be invited into their lives.

My approach to funerals

Given that I seldom know the families I am helping in advance it is crucial that I put people at their ease as much as possible and so I will always go and visit the family at their home – where they feel most relaxed. In helping the family plan the funeral and also come to terms with all that entails my approach is to listen, ask questions, empathise and to respond to the family’s needs in ways with which we all feel comfortable. We are celebrating a life and so as well dealing with the sadness of loss it is important we don’t lose sight of the happy and amusing memories and stories.

What I find most rewarding about conducting funerals

Helping you to grieve in your own way and to begin to say goodbye in a way that feels right for you is my aim   - and if I get it right for you then that is almost reward enough. If I can make you and your fellow mourners smile and laugh too then that is a bonus! Humanist ceremonies are unique, sincere and meaningful and, hopefully, engage   everyone regardless of their individual beliefs. Because we focus on the whole life of the person who has died we find that almost everyone will find comfort in a humanist ceremony.

My advice to you

The period before the funeral can be an emotional roller coaster – and so it is often best to stay busy and occupied; there is a lot to do and think about and I always make myself available to families so that they can call me if they have any queries or worries in the lead up to the ceremony. It’s a great cliché that life is not a dress rehearsal and this is certainly the case for a funeral and so it is vital to have the ceremony you really want for your loved one – you only get one chance to say a formal goodbye, so together we have to make it special.

My favourite piece of funeral poetry

Difficult to chose…and I always like it when the family make their own choice. However, often a family will ask me to select a poem which I think ‘fits’ for their loved one. A poem I find very popular is “Love Life” a Scots poem by Rab Westwater which in turn is based upon a poem by Oriah Mountain Dreamer
I dinna gie tuppence fur whit ye dae tae earn a shillin
Whit maks yer hert sing, that’s whit I want tae ken And yer age, an’ yer badges... jist clitter clatter. I need tae ken if ye’ll chance yer airm and a red neck Fur love, fur dreams, fur the adventure o’ bein’ alive. I need tae ken if ye can soar wi pleesure, mine, yer ain, awbodies If ye can jig wi nae hint o’ huddin back Till whirlin an’ birlin free frae caution an’ care Yer taen tae the pint whawr yer nae langer human, ye jist are. If yer tellin a tale I dinna care how tall it is, let yer geese be swans, But I need tae ken if yer honest, faithfu’, trustworthy, reliable And if ye can see beauty e’en if some days it looks grey   an’   gyte I wouldnae gie a tinkers curse tae ken whaur ye bide or how much gowd ye hae But I need tae ken if efter a nicht o’ jaunty japes or the deepest sorrow Ye’ll be there the next morn tae dae aw the wee things fur the wains.

My favourite piece of funeral music
The overarching criteria for me is what feels right for you as a family; to select the most appropriate music I find it helps if you think about what your loved one enjoyed listening to and which pieces of music bring back happy and/or special memories. I usually advise choosing something upbeat and cheery for the end of the ceremony because this helps people to leave the funeral feeling uplifted. In my experience families have chosen everything from Mozart to Madonna, Wagner to Wet Wet Wet, Jimmy Shand to Johnny Cash – as long as the music is tasteful and not religious then it is your choice; be creative.